Why I don't give a fuck when it rains in Bangalore

Yes, its beautiful when it rains in Bangalore and yes people are really happy and start posting in facebook, twitter and even on instagram about how miraculous it is when it rains in Bangalore. But there is a flipside for this downpour of beautiful droplets of water from the sky:

The traffic
Have you seen the traffic when it rains, Jesus Christ; its like there has been a nuclear attack and everybody is trying to get away from here, people just go mad on the roads.
And the roads, aren't they beautiful and clean, its so spotless and well maintained that an airplane can land on these Bangalore roads during a crisis like the rain. Sarcasm aside, people who are responsible for Bangalore roads must be shot and then hanged, you can find a well after every two meters on these roads and these wells get filled with water when it rains, obviously.
And the auto drivers, they pick exactly this time to fight with the everyone on the road, but what they don't realize is that when they are showing off their Kannada vocabulary in middle of the road poors fellows like me are are struck on a bike 2 kms behind waiting for the traffic jam to clear.
So next time when you think rain is beautiful, imagine yourself in the middle of the road, nowhere to go, listening to some auto driver going on and on about his private parts and wishing you'd rather kill yourself than this torture.

The girlfriend who doesn't want to go out
Ahh...the girlfriend problem, have you ever noticed when it rains these girls act as if they are made of sugar and they think they'll melt if they go out in the rain. If you haven't you'll, sometimes you may think that its cute and all but I swear to god its one of the most annoying things they are capable of doing.
Things worsen, if its dinner time and if you want to go out to eat, you have another thing coming, this rain in Bangalore will always start only in evening and continue till late night. And thats how you don't go out to eat dinner outside and instead order-in food and cuddle till you kill yourself.

The clothes
Yea, we all have washing machines and yes we use it too, but after the clothes come out the dryer, its not completely dry, probably 90% dry, being perfectionists we need to dry these clothes the traditional way by handing them outside, and the rain god loves to fuck 'em up. We already have once a week laundry day and its gotta rain only on that day, this my friends is called Murphy's law.

The umbrella thief
Yea that's me, If you have lost your umbrella anytime in the last few years than there is pretty good chance that I was the one who stole it. I didn't wanna become an umbrella thief, the society made me one. I use to be a good fella you know, I used to buy umbrellas but people use to steal it from me, I might have lost a million umbrellas, literally. Actually, you can't call me a umbrella thief I am more of a umbrella ex-changer, I steal from one place and some other jackass steals it from me in another place, and thus the exchange.

And that's why I don't give a fuck when it rains in Bangalore

The difficulty in eating a chocolate

Everytime!! Its so difficult for a responsible adult to eat a chocolate outside.
It starts out easy, you are out roaming around maybe just went out for a movie or some food or even to run some errands, all of a sudden from nowhere you have this urge for some choocaalateee, you think, what the hell and go buy a cadbury or a kit-kat or maybe even a sneakers, now starts the difficult part, you need to pay the guy; it starts out by pulling that wallet from the back pocket which is all the way around, you pull it out and now you obviously a grown up adult, educated, with a white collar job will not have change to pay the poor guy so you give a 100 bucks note and he gives back the change, now you have to arrange the change in 1rs, 2rs, 5rs, 10rs, 20rs and 50rs order and put it in the wallet and push it back in that back pocket which is all the way back.
Now to tear that wrapper is one more big headache, God only knows what these wrappers are made of,  they are so freaking difficult to tear; you try it with your hands first and then with your teeth and with few tries its done, the wrappers' out. Now comes the responsible part, where are you going to throw it? there are no bins around obviously, now you gotta stuff that wrapper in your pocket and if it were a hot summer afternoon than that chocolate will be dripping all over the wrapper and you see a tree or a lamp post or even a transformer which is covered with trash and you say to yourself that you are better than this and shove that gooey wrapper into your trouser pocket and walk on as if nothing happened, but deep down you know that there is that stain which will never go off.
By this time you have almost reached near your vehicle and your girlfriend has started to nagg. One hand you have the half eaten chocolate on the other you have the helmet, your mouth is filled with chocolate and your ears are getting busted by your better half, and you say to yourself choocaaalateee, I love you(not the girlfriend).  

Shitty Facebook

Now a days everything is digital, everything is online, there is nothing you cant do online, from learning prayers to watching porn, buying a bible to subscribing playboy, listening good old rock and roll to shitty euro trash...well the list goes on folks but there are few things that are really bugging me about the internet over the years..like for example FACEBOOK...first of all, the name facebook does not make any fucking sense..is it like a book of faces or a face that looks like a book...no sense at all.
Next, ever noticed while signing up for an account, facebook does not allow you if you do not give your full last name....now what about people like me whose last name is a single letter.. that's right 90% of South Indian names do not have a last name its just a single fucking letter which is probably an abbreviation of your father name...now this is fucked up both ways, I don't know which one my ancestors was a lazy douchebag fucker...he couldn't pronounce the last name, so he came up with initials...well he fucked it up for the rest of us for the rest of our lives. Now while signing up I gotta use my father's stupid name.
Next, I hate facebook because its givin boring people an outlet to share their boring shitty stupid retarded life with everybody around them all the time...like status updates, now why do I give a fuck about what you do with your fucking life...they are so stupid, like Susan is eating a muffin...FUCK YOU SUSAN and FUCK YOUR MUFFINS...nobody gives a shit about muffins or what you doing. And how emotionally bankrupt are the people who comment on these statues ..ohh what kind of muffins, I love muffins...fuck all of those jobless retards.
But facebook is not all bad, it helps you keep track of your ex-girlfriends sex life and cheers you up with hot profile pics...let me tell you about these so called profile pics, well half them are not their own photos, probably its some model or actress or some good looking extra from a flop soap opera and most of the time you don't realize that cuz of your super over expectation from the random opposite sex stranger...but hey at-least you got to see some hot chick.

In the Bullshit department

When it come to bullshit, big time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in line folks..cuz the all time champion of false promises and exaggerating claims is RELIGION..NO CONTEST..NOOO CONTEST AT ALL. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told, think about it..religion has actually convinced people that there is a invisible man living in the sky, watches everything you do for every minute of every day and he has a special list of Ten things he does not want you to do and if you do any of those there is a place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture where he will send you to live where you ll burn and choke and scream and cry for ever and ever till the end of time....BUT HE LOVES YOU!!...he loves you and needs money..he always needs money..he is all powerful, all perfect, all knowing but some how he needs money, just cant handle money. Religion takes in billions of dollars every year, they pay no taxes and always needs a little more. Now you talk about good bullshit story, wait a sec...HOLY SHIT.
The more you look around, the more you realize...something is fucked up..war, diseases, death, destruction, hunger, filth, torture, poverty, crime, corruption, something is definitely wrong here, this is not good work..results like this do not belong in the resume of a supreme being, this is the kind of shit that you would except from an software engineer who doesn't know a fucking thing about computers. In a decently run universe this guy apparently god would have lost his job a long time ago. By the way I say this guy because, I firmly believe lookin at these results that
if there is god it has to be a man, no woman could or would ever fuck things up like this.

Save the fucking planet??

Now days there are people walking around all day long, every minute of the day, worried about everything. Worried about the air, worried about the water, worried about soil, insecticides, pesticides, food agents, worried about radon gas, asbestos and worried about SAVING ENDANGERED SPECIES ..let me tell you something about saving endangered species, its just one more arrogant attempt by the humans to control nature, its arrogant melding, that's what got us into trouble at the first place, doesn't anybody understand that. Over 90% of all the species that has ever lived on this planet are gone, extinct...WE DIDN'T KILL THEM ALL, they just disappeared. They disappear these days at 25 a day, regardless of how we act, irrespective of what we do on this planet 25 species that are present today will be gone tomorrow, LET THEM GO GRACEFULLY, LEAVE NATURE ALONE, HAVEN'T WE DONE ENOUGH...we are so self important, everybody's gonna save something now..save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails and the greatest arrogance of all SAVE THE PLANET...what??? are these fucking people kidding me, we don't know have to take care of ourselves yet, we haven't even learnt to love each other and WE ARE GOING TO SAVE THE FUCKING PLANET!! I m getting tired of this shit...there is nothing wrong with the planet, the planet is fine the people are fucked.. DIFFERENCE the other day I saw a big bunch of people walking on the road shouting some slogans...apparently they did not want the government to cut the trees to widen the roads, I have one question for them..how fucking jobless are you people.Well I don't know about these retards but I think roads are prime means to travel...what do you think we are, fricking monkeys..are we gonna jump over trees to go to places. We are homo sapiens not fucking homos.
Compared to people the planet is doing fine, ever think of the arithmetic, the planet is been here for 4.5 billion years, we have been around for what 100,000 may be 200, 000 years and we have been engaged in heavy industries for a little over 200 years...200 years vs 4.5 billion years and we have the conceit to think some how we are a threat to this planet, some how we are going put this blue and green ball that's just a floating around the sun into trouble. The planet is been through a lot worse then us, its been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drifts, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of poles, world wide floods, forest fires, constant bombardment of comets, meteoroids, asteroids, cosmic rays, tidal waves, recurring ice ages, tsunamis and we think SOME PLASTIC BAGS AND SOME ALUMINUM CANS are going to make a difference...the planet isn't going anywhere, we are we are going away....PACK YOUR SHIT FOLKS. And wont leave much of trace either..maybe little Styrofoam. The planet has been there for a long time and will be there for a long, long time after we are gone, it ll heal itself, it ll cleanse itself, the air and the water will become clean, the earth will be renewed and if its true that the plastic is not degradable..well the planet will incorporate the plastic into a new paradigm the earth+plastic.
The earth doesn't share our prejudice against plastic, plastic came out of earth, it maybe even considers plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it at the first place...IT WANTED PLASTIC FOR ITSELF... didn't know how to make it. This could be the answer for the age old philosophical question..WHY ARE WE HERE???....PLASTIC...ASSHOLES.

The intro

Hey guys, for all those who don't know me I am Niranjan, I live in Bangalore ( or Bengaluru) and I am doing my engineering at National Institute of Technology, Karnataka which is in Mangalore and is comparatively hot in terms of both weather and chicks.

Okay so why I started this blog, if you are from India then most likely there is a very high probability that you will study engineering, now why is that?? and this is what I think, few years back when engineering was not popular career choice a bunch of people thought why don't we study engineering, because they were probably not capable enough to study what the others at that time were studying or they are just a bunch of retards, now the worst part is, these bunch of retards grew up to be famous and rich and fucked it up for the rest of us for the rest of our lives. These retards are like role models when people like me are in school and in school a student doesn't have too much exposure to the outer world, so you tell your parents that you want to be an engineer and they are happy because even they don't have too much exposure to the outer world, they tell this to their colleges and they also like it, you know why because they don't like what they are doing so anything that's not what they are doing they appreciate, now your parents are more than happy and they only want you to peruse engineering, their encouragement goes to such a level that after some time its more of a pressure than encouragement, they read newspapers and tell you all the great things engineers do, now what they don't tell you is that there are a millions of other students who are going to be doing engineering with you and the cool stuffs achieved by engineers are 1 in a million and this you realize while you are doing engineering, some people call it "mid-course crisis" I call it "life is fucked"

Now why did I throw so much crap at you, because I am one of these whose life is fucked, when your life is fucked you start looking for alternate options so I thought of a cool career option "Stand Up comedian" and this is my first attempt to stand up comedy so I "Stood Up"